Filling the Void

It’s funny how we as humans try to fill our voids…we buy big houses, nice cars, and dogs, we have kids, we become room mothers and over controlling stay-at-home moms, we drink too much alcohol, we get expensive graduate degrees we don’t plan on using, we have extra marital affairs, we have sex with strangers, take up new hobbies like scrap booking, and crafting…is that really a hobby?
Now you may read this and say, “I just like scrap booking I’m not filling a void.” But you are fulfilling a need (a void if you will). Maybe it is just a need to create or perhaps it’s deeper…maybe you are creating the illusion that your life is picture perfect. All humans have needs and when they are not met, it leaves a void. Or perhaps the void comes first then the “need” to fill it? Hmm which came first – the chicken or the egg?
I do know that I have voids and I’ve watched myself try to fill them with various things… I needed to feel safe and protected; so I bought a dog (a Chow no less). I needed to feel desired; so I have sex with someone. I needed to feel loved; so I hold on to old romantic relationships to remind myself that I am lovable. I needed to feel successful; so I bought the most expensive car I could afford. I need to feel companionship; so I eat a box of candy.
I am not alone in this venture to “fill”… I look around and many others who are likely unaware of their need to “fill”. So does this stuff, this “filling” ever really quench that need? I would have to say NO. I still feel empty most of the time. Whether it’s because I have little to no relationship with family (not saying I want one- my family system is not exactly healthy). Maybe it’s because I’m a single parent. Maybe it’s because I’ve had several disappointing romantic relationships.
Regardless, I am going to try to stop filling my void with things, and start focusing on more meaningful relationships with my friends.

P.S. I really do love my dog –she is much more than a “filler”…